Too Quick To Judge

There is a house in our neighborhood that puts up a giant blow-up reindeer in their yard for Christmas. I’m not talking big; I’m talking GIANT! It stands taller than their house. It’s really quite fun to see as it dances in the breeze.

The weekend after Halloween, this family put out the giant reindeer along with all of their other Christmas decorations. When I saw it, I immediately thought to myself in a very criticizing and condescending way, “It’s too early! It isn’t even Thanksgiving yet! Are those people crazy?”

Yesterday my wife read on a social media site where the family posted that they had been asked by several people if they could take pictures of their kids with the giant reindeer for their family Christmas card. That’s why they put up their decorations so early. It was all done with the intent to help others. In fact, in their social media post, they invited anyone who wanted to take pictures with the reindeer to do so. By putting up the reindeer early, it would allow enough time to take photos for the family Christmas card and get the cards printed in plenty of time for Christmas.

I realized how quickly I had judged them. I didn’t know any of the facts or reasoning. I just jumped right into criticizing them. I owe this family an apology. Although they would never know what I had been thinking about their decision to put up Christmas decorations so early, I still felt I owed it to them to apologize for judging them so unfairly. I’ll stop by sometime this week and tell them. I’ll not only apologize; I’ll thank them for being so thoughtful and kind for helping others.

Sometimes when we see a person who doesn’t appear to be acting normal or is different from the rest of us, we judge them in our minds. We see them as less than normal or less of a human. Maybe it’s a disability; maybe it’s an illness. We just see them as different. We don’t know what they’re going through and we have no right to judge. Our thoughts should be focused on how strong they really are to be dealing with whatever it is that is challenging them.

When I was young, when I saw a woman with a shaved head, I thought it looked weird. Now I see a woman who is strong. She may be battling cancer or some other condition, but she’s not displaying weakness, she’s displaying strength. I need to start doing that same thing with others who are challenged. By the way, when I see a man with a shaved head, I think it’s genetics!

As I write this blog, it made me wonder what people think of me when I’m having a tough day and displaying symptoms of Myasthenia Gravis. After all, I certainly don’t appear normal. My eyelids droop, my voice is hoarse, I drag my left foot when I walk, I appear worn out. I hope that people aren’t afraid of me or shy away from me because I look different during those times. Inside I’m still the goofy old character I’ve always been.

When I was seventeen years old, I had to have my wisdom teeth removed. The oral surgeon knew the root of one tooth was wrapped around the nerve so he chose to do the surgery in a hospital. I was actually in the hospital for five days following the surgery. They were so concerned I would get my tongue up into the socket of the tooth after surgery that they sewed my tongue down and wired my mouth so I could only open it a quarter of an inch. I lived on liquids that could be drawn through a straw. After being released from the hospital, I had to stay home from work until my next doctor appointment scheduled for seven days after the surgery. At that appointment, the surgeon was going to cut my tongue loose.

By this time, my face was still very swollen and had turned purple and yellow due to the bruising. To top it off, I couldn’t shave, so I was displaying a rather grungy five o’clock shadow. At seventeen, beards don’t grow in super thick, so I had this ugly scattered stubble sticking out from a ginormous purple and yellow face.

After my appointment, I was riding the elevator down from my doctor’s office. When the elevator reached the ground floor and the doors opened, a mother and her young daughter were waiting there to get on the elevator. The little girl took one look at my face and began to back up. In spite of her mother holding her hand, she was physically trying to get away from me. I looked like a monster! I quickly exited the elevator and headed toward the building exit. Now that I think about it, it must have been very scary for that little girl. I looked hideous!

From all of this I learned two lessons (not well, I might add, as I quickly judged my neighbor’s decision to put up his reindeer). The first is don’t be too quick to judge when you see someone who is different or doing things differently. You may not know the entire situation or reasoning behind it. The second is don’t take peoples’ reactions to you too seriously. Sometimes you might actually appear scary to them.

When people see me struggling with symptoms of MG, I try not to worry about what they’re thinking. I can’t change how I look. I can only change how I respond to people who are reacting to me. I remind myself that although I may look different, they don’t know or understand what I’m going through. I shouldn’t hold that against them, just like I don’t want them to hold Myasthenia Gravis against me. I am who I am, MG and all. Those who know me see what’s inside. What’s inside is a whole lot better looking than what’s on the outside, anyhow.

Don’t judge too quickly. Don’t get offended too quickly either.