The other day I went outside to get the mail and saw some people taking photos at the lake across the street from our house. As I looked closer, I realized it was our neighbors. They had just finished taking photos and began to walk back across the street towards me. Their two sons are in high school and it was homecoming. Each son was decked out in a black tux and sporting brand new bright white sneakers to round out their ensemble.
I chuckled to myself at first at how the white sneakers would have never been allowed in my day, but they actually looked quite good with the tux and I bet they were a lot more comfortable than the patent leather shoes they used to make us wear.
As the boys approached, I extended my hand to shake each of theirs and said, “Wow, you men look fantastic! I pity the poor girls at this dance.” They both beamed with a smile and said, “Thank you.” They’ve always been such polite young men. As they strutted away, you could almost feel their excitement as they were preparing to go pick up their dates. What an amazing time they were about to have.
That got me to thinking about the stages in our lives. I have a two-year-old granddaughter who is currently in the “Here and Now” stage. She enjoys doing whatever she’s doing and doesn’t want to be interrupted. My five-year-old grandson is in the “Discovery” stage. He plays with something for a few minutes and then he’s off on his next adventure.
Then you have the teen years, like my neighbors’ sons. They have just transitioned from boys to men and can’t wait to grow up. At 13, they get to experience being a teen. At 15, they get to learn to drive. At 16, they actually get their driver’s license and their first taste of freedom. At 18, they’re starting to think about tomorrow. Everything always seems ahead of them, so I call this the “Chasing” stage. They just can’t wait to get older.
Soon they will enter the “College and Career” stage where everything is focused on what they are going to do and become in life. At this stage, they begin to feel some of the pressure and responsibility of getting older, but there’s still enough “Discovery” and “Chasing” stage left in them to still make having fun a priority.
After “College and Career” stage comes “Settling Down” stage. This is the stage where they usually seek out a companion, settle into a career, and set the path for their lives.
Then comes “Early Parenthood” stage. This is the stage where their priorities suddenly change. It’s no longer about them; their focus shifts to their children. Not all people in this stage have human children. Some prefer the four-legged kind, but either way their focus changes.
Then comes the “Mid-Parenthood” stage where their children have started to develop lives of their own, the parents realize their child is no longer a child, and they begin to start feeling less needed. For those four-legged parents, this is the stage where you realize you have somehow built your entire life around your pets.
There really isn’t a “Late-Parenthood” stage. At around the age of 50, your children have gone and you’ve probably gone through a generation or two of pets. Instead, you fall into the “Workaholic” stage, where work and growing your career becomes your life.
At about 60, you enter “Pre-Retirement” stage, where you suddenly begin to panic that you’ve not yet put enough money away for retirement. Suddenly new purchases are no longer a priority; saving is.
When you reach your mid-60’s, you probably begin to think about retiring, so this becomes the “Retirement” stage. Some jump at the chance and retire immediately. Others hang onto their career for as long as they can. Most, however, start reducing the amount of hours they work.
Somewhere between 65 and 70, most people retire and hit the “Post-Retirement” stage where health becomes their biggest priority. Some travel during this stage, some enjoy the peace and quiet of retirement. Regardless, health becomes their main focus. This stage is critical for how long they will live the rest of their lives. In this stage, they get to decide to either enjoy and appreciate life, or complain and resent life. Guess which choice helps you live longer?
All of these stages help us develop and grow. Sometimes there are interruptions or bumps in the road, like developing Myasthenia Gravis or other chronic conditions. Sometimes there are actual road blocks, like cancer and heart disease that threaten chances of survival. Sometimes there are truly debilitating diseases like Alzheimer’s or dementia that steal their lives away.
What’s our lesson here? When I think of all the phases and stages I went through in my life, I don’t regret the things I did; I regret the things I didn’t do. I wish I had traveled more. I wish I would have started appreciating things earlier in life. Instead of worrying so much, I wish I had just trusted God and hadn’t tried to rely so much on my own abilities.
It’s not too late. Worrying about what I did or didn’t do in the past isn’t going to change anything. What can change is what I do today. Not tomorrow. Today. Today, while I’m still somewhat healthy, while I can still get around, while I’m still capable.
I can’t change the fact that I have Myasthenia Gravis, but I can change how I choose to react to it and how I spend my time. Ten years from now, I don’t want to regret not having done more. I want to remember what a wonderful time I had doing the things I did.
I’m going to start traveling a little more. I’m going to start appreciating life a little more. I’m going to start worrying a whole lot less.
I’m going to start enjoying life more. Care to join me?
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