Letting Others In

I admit I’m kind of notorious for keeping people in the dark and not sharing my feelings. I keep a lot of things inside instead of following the healthier path of getting them out in the open. It’s not that I’m trying to hide things from people; it’s because I don’t want to burden or worry people.

So, why do I do this? There are really two reasons. The first is: I’m not really trying to shut people out. Rather, I need time to understand and process my own feelings. In other words, before I share, I want to really understand what’s happening and how I perceive it will affect me and others.

The second is: I think we have a general tendency to want to fix problems on our own and not become a burden to others. I often find myself believing that, if I’m able to fix the problem on my own, why bother anyone else with it?

So, how does this all relate to Myasthenia Gravis or any other kind of health condition? All of us, from a very young age, are taught to be brave. We’re taught to be independent. We’re taught to be strong. We’re taught to be assertive. When we’re struggling with the effects of MG or other health condition, all these lessons we’ve been taught come into play. We don’t want to burden others. We can handle it on our own.

For the most part, I agree with this method. After all, being courageous and handling it on our own keeps us fighting and we all know we must fight this disease. The minute we throw in the towel, however, is when the condition will own us.

The detriment in handling difficulties in this fashion is we tend to isolate ourselves, push others away, and give others the impression we’re being less than honest. That’s not our intent, but it’s often the result.

The other problem lies in the fact that we can actually cause ourselves more harm by trying to take on such a heavy burden when there are people willing to help. There’s a fine line between being brave and being selfish. If someone truly wants to help us out of love, aren’t we being selfish if their assistance would help but we chose to refuse it?

For the record, let me just say that I am never tackling a problem on my own. God always has my hand and helps guide me through. Not only do I pray for His wisdom, mercy, and strength; I depend upon it. It’s when I refuse to allow others to help that I get into trouble.

So, how can we best deal with this issue? I think the first thing we need to understand is that processing a problem is an important step and taking the time to do so on your own is necessary. We have to allow ourselves an appropriate amount of time to understand and come to grips with what we are facing. Remaining in that mode, however, creates problems. At some point, we need to open up and allow those who love us and care for us in on our problem. We don’t want to become a burden on them, but we need to be intelligent and brave enough to recognize when we could use their support. We also need to realize that when we deny loved ones the opportunity to help, that can be perceived by them as our actually denying their love. We don’t want that.

When challenges arise, take the time you need to process them internally, talk them over with God, but when you are ready, let others in. Chances are the people that care about you want to help, they are ready to help, and they are willing to help. I’m not necessarily talking about physical support, although that may sometimes be needed, as well. I’m talking about emotional support. Sometimes accepting their love and knowing that they care is all we need to get through challenges.