In this and the following two blogs, I want to talk about inheritance. We often think of inheritance as including only material things such as money, property, jewelry and collections of things you have accumulated throughout your life that you intend to leave to others. There are also things you will leave your loved ones that are not as tangible, but just as important, if not more so. They include perceptions, principles and values.
Perceptions, principles and values help guide us through our lives. They help us determine our temporary, as well as our long-term paths that we will take on our journey we call life. Today I want to talk about perceptions and how they affect not only our lives, but also the lives of others. My next two blogs will cover principles and values, so make sure you get a chance to read those, as well.
Perceptions are truly in the mind of the beholder. To them, a perception is accurate and they use that perception to interpret, analyze and act. The only thing that will change that perception is if they see it from another angle or another point of view and determine their original perception may have been inaccurate.
Here’s how a perception develops. I witness something one or more times and, in my mind, I form an opinion about what I saw. Now every time I see that same thing or something similar, I’m going to apply my theory based upon my original perception.
As an example, let’s say you met someone for the first time. Let’s call him Tom. During that meeting, Tom came off as standoffish, perhaps even arrogant or rude. You formed a perception or opinion about Tom based upon your observation. No matter how many times someone else tries to convince you that Tom isn’t arrogant or rude, you’re not going to believe them because you saw it for yourself and your perception was formed. The only way you’ll ever change that perception is if you see it for yourself that your original perception was incorrect.
You formed your original perception based upon one point of view or angle. If you happen to run into Tom at another time and this time Tom is very warm and kind, you may alter your perception or you might keep your original perception in the back of your mind until you see him differently from your first encounter on multiple occasions . Perhaps the first time you met Tom, he was having a bad day or something occurred just prior to you meeting that caused him to come off as arrogant or rude. Perhaps that was uncommon for Tom, but you just happened to catch him at a bad time. You formed a perception about him based upon that one encounter. Again, nothing anyone could say was going to change your perception. You had to see it for yourself that Tom was different from how you originally perceived him to be. You saw him from a different angle.
This blog is supposed to be about Myasthenia Gravis, so why are we talking about inheritance and perceptions?
As an adult, you have to realize people are forming perceptions about what they see in you. This is even more important to remember if you have a chronic illness like Myasthenia Gravis. The changes MG creates in your body are already scary enough to a person who is just beginning to form their own perceptions about you. Your droopy eyelids, your hoarse voice, your weak legs are all contributing to that opinion. Now add on top of that your attitude, your appearance, and your mannerisms. That vision is what you will be leaving as an inheritance for others.
Sometimes when I’m having a bad day, I have a tendency to be short with people. I don’t feel like talking. When I act like that, I’m helping people form perceptions about me that I don’t want them to have. It’s no fun having MG. I’m tired, I ache, I can’t do some of the things I used to enjoy doing, but do I really want to leave a perception in people that I’m an old, worn out, grouchy old man? Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes I have a right to be grouchy, but is that the way I really want people to remember me? No. I want them to remember me as someone who is kind, loving and caring. That’s the attitude I have to project no matter what I’m feeling inside. I can mope on my own time or I can share what I’m truly feeling with a counselor or someone close, but moping and complaining in front of everyone else is only going to lead to perceptions I don’t want people having about me.
When I was very young, my grandfather developed stomach cancer. My mother took me to the hospital to see him. That became the very last time I saw him. When I walked into the hospital room, I was frightened. Here was my grandfather lying in bed with a tube up his nose, tubes going into his arms, and a machine making strange noises as it monitored his heart. He couldn’t talk. He couldn’t open his eyes. He couldn’t acknowledge I was there. That’s the last vision I had of my grandfather. He died shortly after that visit. Sixty years later, when I think of my grandfather, that’s what I remember. I don’t remember the good times I had with him; I remember him lying in that hospital bed unable to acknowledge or respond. He had no control over that. He couldn’t talk to me or act like nothing was wrong. I only point this out because that one viewing affected the perception I had of him for the rest of my life.
You have Myasthenia Gravis. You can’t pretend your eyelids aren’t drooping. You can’t pretend your voice isn’t hoarse. You can’t pretend you’re not weak. You can’t control those things. What you can control is your attitude and the way you project yourself when you’re around others. If you can muster up the strength to put on a smile and be a ray of sunshine to everyone you meet, you will leave an impression with others that will help them form a positive perception about you. You want people to remember you as kind, loving and caring. That’s the perception I want to leave people. That’s the inheritance I want to leave my family. That’s how I want my grandkids to remember me. Not some grouchy old man who is always complaining, but the kind old gentleman who always wear a smile no matter how he feels inside.
Perceptions are real to those that hold them. Make sure the impressions you leave will form the kind of perceptions you want people to have about you and make sure your inheritance includes plenty of positive perceptions.