Father’s Day

As I sat down to write this Father’s Day blog, I found myself pulled in many directions. It took me several attempts.

I started out writing about my father and father-in-law. From my father I learned values and respect. I remembered how despite difficulties, he always tried to be a good father. From my father-in-law I learned kindness and the importance of remaining calm through any storm. I recalled how every round of golf was a good day, regardless of how well he played. He had learned to enjoy the sport and the company of those he played with.

I strayed from that mode and started penning how grateful I am to have two beautiful and amazing daughters. I thought about how I should be honoring them on this Father’s Day rather than the reverse. I thought about all the good times we had as a family while they were growing up. I thought about all the challenges we somehow survived. I thought about all the times I messed up as a father. I thought about how despite my imperfections and failures, they made it and have found happiness and success in their lives. I thought about the values and traits that are so apparent in them that have been handed down over the years by my wife and me. I thought about the wooden plaque my oldest daughter gave my youngest daughter that simply said “Family”.

While writing that second attempt, a thought triggered in my mind of two men, Bill and Tim, both of whom have made significant impacts on my daughters’ lives. Both of these men have passed, but although they never had children of their own, they displayed amazing fatherly qualities like patience, kindness and generosity towards others.

Bill taught my entire family about Standard Poodles. He was wonderful to my daughters and loved to have them around. He delighted in sending them to the coffee shop for treats during dog shows. The treats, of course, were always on the house because he had prearranged it with the coffee shop owner prior to them coming. He would brag about my daughters and show their pictures to friends as if they were his own.

Tim was a neighbor of ours. More importantly, he was a friend. He and I would go target shooting together at the makeshift range he assembled on some property he owned. Both my daughters wanted to learn how to shoot, but I knew I wasn’t the right person to teach them. Tim told me to bring them along and graciously offered to help them. He was patient, thoughtful, safety-minded and thorough. By the time they were done with their lesson, both my daughters could shoot more accurately than me. Once when one of my daughters was preparing for her wedding and had mentioned she wanted some special (and expensive, I might add) shoes, Tim jumped right in and wanted to pay for them. He had such a huge heart. He was always helping someone in need. He put on a hard exterior, but inside he was a real softy. He often loaned money to people who worked for him when they were going through tough times. It’s just the kind of man he was. He and his wife attended both of my daughters’ destination weddings, but Tim never complained about having to fly there. He wouldn’t have missed those weddings for the world. Those were his kids and he treated them as such.

After I had written three different pieces, I realized I was missing the mark on what this blog is all about. It’s supposed to be about Myasthenia Gravis and here I was rambling on about father figures who were important to me. You came here to share my journey with MG, not my whole life. That’s when it hit me.

I struggle with not knowing what’s ahead for me with MG and fear needing the support of others, but even though I had never really thought about it, I’ve had the support of others all my life. I learned traits and values from my father and father-in-law. My family has always been there for me. Bill and Tim helped me raise my daughters. There’s a host of other people in my life that have helped me, mentored me, taught me, forgave me, loved me. My daughters are who they are today because I had so much help as a father.

This journey with MG isn’t always an easy one, but we can’t be afraid to rely on others for help when we need it. Yes, we have to remain strong, we have to avoid dependency for as long as we can, but we shouldn’t be afraid to let people help us. That applies to anyone with MG, but especially to those fathers with MG who fear no longer being able to father. Sometimes it’s okay to let others father us.

Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers out there and especially those with MG.