Remember the Seinfeld episode where George’s dad, Frank Costanza, invented Festivus. He created the holiday as an alternative to the traditional pressures and commercialization of Christmas.
Festivus included such events as:
- Festivus Pole – Instead of a Christmas tree, a plain aluminum pole was erected. Frank praised the pole for its “very high strength-to-weight ratio” and its lack of decoration, which he found distracting on Christmas trees.
- The Airing of Grievances – During the Festivus dinner, participants take turns telling others how they have disappointed them over the past year.
- Feats of Strength – The celebration concludes with a wrestling match where the head of the household must be pinned. Festivus isn’t over until this happens.
So, why are we talking about Festivus? Because I wanted to discuss pressures we all feel around the holidays and specifically how those pressures and obligations can affect those of us with Myasthenia Gravis.
We already know that fatigue sets in easily for those of us with MG. We probably also know that stress is a huge contributing factor. Although we love the holidays, they are inherently filled with stress. To top it off, our fatigue is compounded by the fact that we all try to do to much. There are decorations to be hung; presents to be purchased and wrapped; cookies to bake; and parties, pageants and services to attend. Those things tire everyone out, but it can be much worse for someone with MG.
So, what’s a person to do? We can’t just avoid Christmas, become a hermit or switch to celebrating Festivus.
What we can do is learn to say “No”.
Saying “No’ doesn’t come easily for me, especially around Christmas. I always try to make sure all my family and friends have the best Christmas possible, even it that means stretching myself a little too thin. When someone invites my wife and me to a party or event, it’s like it immediately becomes an obligation. Saying “No’ seems so rude and we certainly don’t want to disappoint anyone. It wasn’t until later in life that I finally realized something I had previously been missing.
I’m sure you’ve heard the flight attendant go over the safety briefing upon boarding an airplane. You know, that speech that everyone ignores. During the briefing, the flight attendant instructs us that if oxygen masks should drop from the overhead compartment of the aircraft, we are to put on our mask first before attempting to help younger children. Why do you think they say that? Isn’t that being selfish?
No, it’s not selfish. In fact, it’s very important. If a parent attempts to place the mask on their child first, it’s possible the parent could pass out from lack of oxygen before they can get either the child’s or their mask installed. That could result in both the parent and the child passing out. By installing their own mask first, they should be able to then help the young child.
When you think about it, that makes a lot of sense. If the parent passes out, they’re unable to assist the child and the child will eventually pass out as well. The parent taking care of themself first assures they will be able to help their child.
We can apply that same principle to Christmas. If we’re so busy running around trying to do everything and keep everybody happy, we could wear ourselves down to the point where we become sick and unable to do anything. Instead of giving our family the best Christmas ever, we could end up lying in a hospital bed ruining Christmas for everyone.
That’s why it’s important to learn to say “No” when it’s appropriate. If we’re feeling run down, it’s okay if we can’t accept an invitation. That party or event will still go on without us. If we explain to the inviter that we’d love to attend, but just aren’t feeling up to it, that’s not being rude. That’s being honest. If our having to refuse is tactful and comes from the heart, they will understand.
When the family wants to go to the mall, it’s okay to say, “You go ahead. I think I better rest.” That’s protecting our families, not depriving them.
I’ll admit, I’ve had a few Christmases where I’ve gone full Clark Griswold. Schedules, stress, fatigue, they all got to me. That’s because I hadn’t yet learned to say “No”.
You don’t have to go so far as to replace Christmas with Festivus, but sometimes you need to slow things down and protect your health. As long as we’re turning down an invitation for an honorable reason, there’s no reason to feel any regret.
Taking care of yourself first isn’t selfish. It’s one way to assure you’re able to enjoy and contribute to everyone’s Christmas.
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