I’m a worrier. I’ve always been a worrier. I take great pride in my faith in God, so I realize I’m not really showing my faith when I worry, but for some reason, I do it anyhow. Faith means trusting God on everything. That means when I become worried, I just need to turn to him and lay my worries at His altar.
I guess that makes me a bit of a hypocrite. I’m always telling you to give your worries to God, yet I sometimes fail to follow what I preach. It doesn’t make me deceitful; it makes me human. Eventually I come to my senses and give my troubles to God, but first I have to panic a little.
Why do we panic? Our minds are embedded with a fight or flight instinct. It’s instinctual even in animals. We’re either going to fight or run in the other direction. In that split moment when we’re deciding between fighting or fleeing, a bit of panic must set in to get the adrenaline pumping. The adrenaline gives you that extra bit of energy to fight or run away with that little extra bit of oomph in your gait.
The other day I was at my neurologist appointment. I mentioned to him that I had fallen once while taking my dogs for a walk. If you’ve read my previous blogs, you may remember the story. I was walking my dogs when a young boy with a very large German Shepherd came around the corner. The dog was strong and pulling the boy as it aggressively advanced towards my dogs. My two standard poodles were just as much at fault as they sensed the aggression and began barking and pulling on their leashes to confront the perceived threat. I was attempting to hold them back when all of a sudden my legs gave out and I fell to the concrete. It was strange because I had never had that kind of experience before. Usually my legs just get weak if stressed too much, but in this instance they just gave out and I fell. My neurologist told me this is common in a fight or flight situation for someone with Myasthenia Gravis. The stressors can make you collapse. He told me to be aware that this may happen should I ever find myself in a fight or flight situation again.
So, the reason I fell is because instinctually my fight or flight mode was triggered and my body wasn’t able to handle it. In any person, that fight or flight mode causes a sudden release of adrenaline to prepare the body for fighting or fleeing. It’s a survival mechanism and God gave us this mechanism to protect us. It may work a little differently, however, in those of us with MG.
Is fight or flight the same as panic? Close, but not exactly. Panic is defined as a sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety which often causes wildly, unthinking behavior. Both situations cause a rush of adrenaline to assist the body for the next steps. The difference is in fight or flight, there are only two paths. You either fight or you flee. In panic, you may have a few more options like fight, flee, do nothing (turn the other cheek), pray or any other reaction. The similarity between them, however, is the sudden release of adrenaline.
In other words, panic is also a survival mechanism, very similar to fight or flight, but with a few more options. When you panic, you are acknowledging a danger. A person who never panics is unnatural. Even a fighter feels a little panic or nervousness before a big bout. That’s human nature. Imagine walking into a ring with someone much larger and stronger than you knowing you may get the beating of your life. Panic! Imagine being the larger and stronger person knowing you can whip your opponent, but having that teensy bit of panic in the back of your mind that maybe, just maybe, your opponent may get off one lucky punch. Remember Goliath?
In both scenarios involving fighters, adrenaline is released and that’s exactly what each fighter is going to need. In other words, it’s not always bad to panic. Sometimes it helps prepare us.
So, back to worrying. I believe worry begins with a bit of panic. You felt you were in a situation you may not be able to control. The adrenaline kicks in and, just like the definition says, panic often causes wildly, unthinking behavior. That behavior in me is worry. I forget to give it to God and start to panic about how I’m going to deal with the situation. I forget that God will handle it. I may remember in a few minutes, a few days, a few weeks. I’ve even had worry last a few years. Here’s the thing, God is patient and kind, a very present help in times of trouble. He’ll wait for me to come to my senses. When I do, he’ll handle the situation. It may not be in the way I have planned, but it will be in the way he knows is best for me.
I suppose you could say there is a lot of justification for those of us with Myasthenia Gravis to worry. We’re constantly battling symptoms and we don’t know what’s ahead. Worry accomplishes nothing. What does accomplish things is turning our worries over to God. God will handle all things in the proper way, at the proper time. We’ll save ourselves a lot of anxiety by giving our worries to Him.
Will I still worry? Of course, I will. It’s instilled in me to experience a little panic when faced with a difficult situation. It’s instinctual and I’m human. Will you worry? Probably.
There’s one thing I need to get better at doing. The quicker I turn things over to God, the better off I’ll be. Care to join me?